John was dead. John is alive. And naked. And confused.
Happy Night's Watch Easter!
Castle Black stands amazed
But Thormond finds time for a weiner joke.

Meanwhile on a ship
Gilly is smiling and Sam is puking.

Meanwhile in flashback
Brewmeister Smith shows Brandon that his dad wasn't as bad as he thought he was
What's in the tower, Brewmeister, you hoser!

Meanwhile in Vaes Dothrak
Khaleesi checks into Shady Pines for Old Khal widows
And doesn't get as naked as she used to.

Mereenwhile in Mereen
Varis fans himself and plays Vala like a lute
Tyrion plays a drinking game
and says the true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms.

Meanwhile in Kings Landing
Creepy ex Maester gives birds plumbs for whispers
Jamie wants blood
Cersei wants armegeddon
The small council wants a pity party, WAAAAA!
And Elliot Carver talks smack to the boy king.

Meanwhile in Braavos
Fear does not exist in this dojo!
Blind Arya gets sweep the leg, you have a problem with that?
Then cranes up to win her eyes back.

Meanwhile in Winterfell
Littlejohn Umber says C U Next Tuesday
and brings Ramsey a couple presents
Welcome home, Rickon!

Meanwhile back at Castle Black
John hangs his murderers
See ya Alliser Thorne!
See ya Ollie!
And now John's watch has ended.