Olympic Minute Transcript

The games of the XXVII Olympiad started last weekend
They'll end next weekend and we can forget about them for another 4 years.
But now, we strive!

As you said earlier, this was the first Olympiad held at a PF Chang's
But speaking of lettuce wraps...
110,000 condoms were distributed in the Olympic Village.
Go for the gold, everybody!

So there's 2950 athletes from 93 countries
Of course Russia isnt a country this time, it's and O.A.R.
They were given an an O.A.R.
Because they're up dope creek without a Putin!

National Hockey League players aren't participating in this year's Olympics.
But luckily North Korean women are!
And they brought their synchronized cheering and pleasure squad with them!

Short track speed skating is like musical chairs and a hula hoop competition
All rolled up into one.
Think about that.

High winds and low temperatures caused some ruckus on the slopes.
The downhill was moved from Sunday to Thursday,
And MEN'S ALPINE COMBINED start was moved from the DOWNHILL Start to the SUPER G Start
I think.


Chloe Kim nailed a frontside 1080 and a McTwist to win Gold.
I hope they let that little dreamer back into the country.

Mixed Doubles Curling is the hottest new sport this year...
For about 15 minutes...
Then it gets kinda repetitive.

Biathalon combines skiing and shooting,
Mark, let's set up a fast food biathalon on Howell Mill Rd.
Milkshakes in the drive thrus and nuggets in the dining rooms!

And over in figure skating...
I didn't watch any damn figure skating!