Olympic Minute Transcript

The games of the XXVII Olympiad started last weekend
They'll end next weekend and we can forget about them for another 4 years.
BuI'm wearing out my DVR taping about 10 hours of Olympics every day
But I'm Fast Forwarding through about 8 hours of it.

In Men's Snowboard Cross, an Austrian dude broke his neck.
Do not look that video up.

The US Women lost to Canada in hockey.
And there was a fight at the end of the game!
I guess we gotta let Canada win at something every once in a while.

Popular good looking man, Shaun white got some huge air
And won his third gold medal
So of course sexual harrassment allegations followed him to the podium.

There's also ski jumping!
There's ski jumping combined with cross country skiing
There's ski jumping from the little ramp
And there's ski jumping from the big ramp.
I don't know why
But I dig those microfiber suits

I used to like curling
Before they started showing 17 hours of curling each day.
Now I'd rather watch senior citizens play shuffleboard.

North Korea has 22 athletes at the Olympics this year.
Unfortunately there are only 22 TVs in North Korea on which to watch the Olympics

I dont know why the Dutch are so much better at speed skating than everyone else.
It must be the frozen rivers and legal weed and prostitution.
Who wouldn't wanna skate fast for that?

Lot's of twirling and triple sowcows over in figure skating.
And I still havent watched any of it

Speaking of unwatchable.
I defend the Winter Olympics to just about everyone,
But when it comes to Men's Two Man Luge...
I just can't, dude.

But at least there's still Skeleton!
That's where you go head first down a tube as fast as you can.
The last time I did that I had my first birthday!