2018 Olympics Minute Lyrics

Week 2 of the Olympics is underway!
If you're not sick of it by now, you won't have many more opportunities!

I've been trying to DVR as much as I can
But I keep seeing the same thing on different channels.
I had two channels of Olympics coverage in prime time last night
And they both showing ice dancing!
That's not even ice SKATING!
Figure skating is hard to stomach
But the Schaedenfreude of watching a skater fall is somewhat soothing.

Are they showing the same ski jumping competition over and over?
It looks like the same people doing the same jumps
Under the auspices of different competitions
Large Hill Individual
Large Hill Team
Normal Hill Individual
Yada yada yada

The same goes for cross country skiing and biathalon,
I have no idea where one event stops and the next starts.
I just see skinny people looking out of breath and then they shoot stuff.
No bump stocks there though.

But you cant mess up Bobsled
Oh, I mean BobSLEIGH. I guess you can.
I love seeing large pinewood derby cars skidding down an icy tube

Norway is leading the medal count so far with 29 medals
They have one medal for every 180 thousand Norweigans

The US is sucking right now with 12 medals
That's one medal for every 27 MILLION AMERICANS
We're on pace for our worst medal haul in 20 years. Go USA!

But the US Women's Hockey team will be in the Gold Medal Match in a couple days
So blame Canada, and beat Canada, ladies!
The US Hockey dudes are in the quarterfinals tonight

If I grew up in the Netherlands,
I think i would have been a great speed skater.
Too bad I've only been ice skating once in my entire life.