Week 8 in the NFL
Week 9 in college
Week playoffs in the MLS.

Your Atlanta United FC
Lost their last game
And missed out on the Supporters Shield
By two points.
But they have a first round bye
In the MLS playoffs.

Your number six Jacksonville Boodawgs
Went to the party
Poured some cocktails
And ate some Gator
They're still tied for first
In the SEC East
But lookout
For those Kentucky Wildcats
The Boodawgs travel to Lexington Saturday.

Your Midtown Wramblin Wreck
Went to Blacksburg
And Out-Teched the Hokies
With 465 punishing yards rushing
And
Negative five yards passing
Who needs to throw
When you can flex the bone!

Your Magic City Dirty Birds
Were on a bye bye birdy.

Your Decatur Street Panthers
Keep losing,
And aren't worth mentioning.
But your Statesboro Screamin Eagles
Knocked off Appalachian State
And they're riding high
Atop the Sun Belt East.

Let's pretend Mark Arum's New York Football Giants
Were on a bye week
Last week and this week.

Four Jaguars got detained
For a minute in London
For apparently trying to
Walk out of strip club
Without paying their tab.
But they ended up paying it
So there.

The Cleveland Browns
Went from America's Team
Back to Cleveland's Team
When they fired their head coach
And offensive coordinator
Earlier today

And tonight, the New England Chowdah
Have a squash match
Against the bloated carcass
of the Buffalo Chicken Wings
On the MNF!