Week 2 in the NFL
Traditional week 3 in college
The beginning of
Windshield glare season in America

Home opener
For your MIdtown Bumblebees.
They hung around for a while
But Otis Day and the Knights
Put the shamalamadingdong on 'em
At the end.

Your Magic City Dirty Birds
Man o man
You can have 100 yard receivers all day
But you blow a lead
And botch an onside kick
All those passing yards
Don't mean a thing.

Your Downtown Panthers
Are back playing football
Unfortunately
The Ragin Cajuns
Played it a little better

Your Athens County Boodawgs
Will be siccin them hogs this weekend
Finally

Clemson had a scrimmage
Against Citadel. Ooooo.
49 to Zip
The starters barely played
Bravo Dabo

Gardner Minshew slung the rock and lost
Teddy Bridgewater slung the rock and lost
Josh Allen slung the rock and won
Ben Roethlisberger is too dumb to hurt

But Jimmy Garoppolo: hurt!
Saquon Barkley: hurt!
Christian McCaffery: hurt!
Drew Lock: hurt!

America's team
The Clevleand Browns
Ran it all day
And rammed it
All the way down I-71 to northern Kentucky

Mark Arum's New York Football Giants
With their new back Dion Lewis
Didn't lose by that much
So that's something

And tonight
The Las Vegas Raiders
Welcome the Saints
To their brand spankin new
Empty stadium
On the MNF